(For those who don't know, "stepmonster" is how I often refer to my alcoholic, abusive, gambling-addicted stepfather...)


I've been thinking a lot lately about my life and how you've shaped it. You've done a lot of damage to my mind, perhaps more than my actual mental illness. I have no self-confidence, no self-worth, and I live with constant feelings of inadequacy and anger, and and it is because of you.

When I was little, I wanted desperately to please you. I quickly realized that wasn't possible. Nothing I did would ever be good enough for you.  It quickly grew into an obsession, and embedded itself into my psyche. Soon, nothing I did was good enough for even myself. And I didn't think anything I did was good enough anyone else, despite what they told me. It affected relationships, it affected my studies, it affected my abortive career. I was a good student, and never believed it. I was a good soldier, and never believed it. I'm a good computer tech, and I don't believe it. I'm good with animals, and I don't believe it. I'm a good son, and I don't believe it. I'm a good person, and I don't believe it.

You put that into me. Your disapproval, your jealousy of my intelligence, and your physical and emotional abuse put that into me. You treated me like shit, and now I feel that I am shit.

And I cannot get that out of me. I cannot exorcise the demon that is you out of me.

But guess what? I'm working on it now, with a good therapist. I want you out of my mind, and I'm going to do my damndest to make it happen, so you don't matter any more.

But do me a favor, if you have it in your evil soul? Don't call unless it is absolutely necessary. If you do need to call, don't talk to me. Don't ask us for money; we don't have it. Don't come down here unless you have no other choice, and if you must come down here, give us some notice. Leave me, and us, alone. Don't ask for any favors; while you owe us a lot, we don't owe you anything, and you don't deserve any favors.