Picture by Trish, who is normally a very nice girl...
Here's another view of Osama...
And now, the Air Force's newest stealth fighter...
Mommy, where do baby tanks come from?
A bad day at work...
The president served a special dinner to US troops recently...
Speeding will no longer be tolerated in these here parts...
Is her top too small, or her boobs too big? (No wait, that's almost impossible...)
And now, the...Swiss Army Assault Rifle!
Here's one solution for the Islamic Fundamentalism problem:
A surefire plan to end global terrorism: Take all American women who are +/-5 years of menopause. Train us for a few weeks, outfit us with automatic weapons, grenades, gas masks, Prozac, hormones, SPAM, etc. Drop us (parachuted, preferably) across the landscape of Afghanistan, and let us do what comes naturally. Think about it. Our anger quotient alone, even when doing standard stuff like grocery shopping and paying bills, is formidable enough to make even men in turbans tremble. We have had our children, we would gladly die/suffer to protect them and their future. We'd like to get away from our husbands, if they haven't left already. And for those of us who are single, the prospect of finding a good man with whom to share life is about as likely as being struck by lightning; therefore, we have nothing to lose. Let us go and fight. The Taliban hates women. Imagine their terror as we crawl like ants with hot-flashes all through their godforsaken terrain. I'm going to write my Congressman. You should, too.
Toddler Property Laws
I like it, it's mine.
It's in my hand, it's mine.
I can take it from you, it's mine.
I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
It's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
It looks just like mine, it's mine.
I think it's mine, it's mine.
It could possibly be mine, it's mine.
I... Ooops! I'm sorry, I goofed! Instead of typing in the Toddler Property Laws, I've been typing in Bill Gates' Primary Business Plan For Microsoft -- regards, Rolf Liechti
THE NEW TAX LAW
The only thing that the IRS has not yet taxed is the male penis. This is due to the fact that 40% the time it is hanging around unemployed, 30% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time it is pissed off and 10% of the time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has two dependents and they are both nuts. Effective January 1st, 2002, your penis will be taxed according to size. The brackets are as follows: 10-12" Luxury Tax $30.00 8-10" Pole Tax $25.00 5-8" Privilege Tax $15.00 4-5" Nuisance Tax $3.00 Males exceeding 12" must file under capital gains. Anyone under 4 inches is eligible for a refund. PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION!!! Sincerely, Pecker Checker IRS NOTE: We are still awaiting official policy on the following frequently asked questions: * Are there penalties for early withdrawals? * What if one's penis is self employed? * Do multiple partners count as a corporation? * Are condoms a deductible expense as work clothes? * Is there an additional tax if you are not circumcised?
Subject: Valentine for Osama (Joke)
Little David comes home from first grade and tells his father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," he asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?" David's father thinks a bit then says, "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?" "Osama Bin Laden," David says. "Why Osama Bin Laden?" his father asks in shock. "Well," David says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish boy could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore." His father's heart swells and he looks at his boy with newfound pride. "David, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard." "I know," David says. "And once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could blow the shit out of him."